Jokes..

These came from the annual “Dark and Stormy Night”competition.
Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topekaat 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mobinformant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so loing, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like a Cape Breton coalminer. But unlike the Caper, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphoricallame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

*The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at afire hydrant.

It was a Canadian tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

-*this one really got me! Ha! Hope I got you to smile. 🙂

Jennifer

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