You’re a what?
You’ve heard of stay-at-home moms, right? Did you know there’s such a thing as stay-at-home daughters? Like, real live people who are over 18 years old and live at home. Apparently this species is so rare, that it can hardly be determined what they do all day, at home! After some study, however, society has come to the conclusion that behind closed doors are young women who eat bonbons, dream of marriage, and have oodles of time on their hands.
Well, okay, so maybe only a small portion of society has come to such a drastic conclusion. The remaining 80%, however, are left in a state of confusion and don’t know what to do with young women who choose not to pursue the cultural norm, which apparently is now also the standard of maturity. I’d like to explore some of the common misconceptions made about these pioneers of modern day civilization… at least, common in light of my own experiences as a stay at home daughter.
They have oodles of time on their hands!
I am so thankful for the time that I have at home, without a 4 year commitment to getting a degree. While I don’t see “college” as inherently evil (nor would I be opposed to taking courses if I ever had an interest), by choosing to study at home on my own schedule, I am freed up to take part in ministries and projects that otherwise would have been impossible to squeeze in.
A stay-at-home daughter is in a special position that is rare in our society. On a local level I’ve seen a need for involvement that sometimes only an adult who is not working full time, or going to school can fill. Moms and Dads are busy raising their kids and working a job. The average young adult over 18 years old is away studying. Thus, the time of the capable daughter who does not have a college or full time job commitment can be a treasure.
While this can be a great asset to a community, the wise young woman at home striving to emulate Proverbs 31 does much to fill up her time with. She has commitments. She has goals. She has dreams. I enjoy traveling out of State to volunteer on political campaigns, but it doesn’t mean that I’m twiddling my thumbs once I get home. Simply because someone does not attend school, and have a 4 year time-line laid out, should not imply that a curriculum or goal is not in place. It is a very valuable thing, and when people value my time, I feel respected as well.
They don’t have their own identity
I once spoke with a young lady of 24 who, in so many words, implied that I (4 years her junior) was sheltered, isolated, and needed to find myself. The only way to “find” myself as I discovered later, was to move away from my family and experience campus life. I believe this exposes how narrow of an opinion much of society has towards young people who live at home. Once the independent and feministic trends set in, college became the standard and people began to struggle to view those who choose not to move away at 18 as anything but children still trying to “find themselves”.
To the child of God, finding oneself does not require moving away from all authority and accountability, to see how popular or intelligent one turns out to be. And while I would agree that every adult is changed and matured by various situations or opportunities, I don’t see why such growing experiences can not be gained in some other way. Forgive me, but isn’t that rather narrow and isolated thinking?
The idea that a daughter would find her identity as a part of a family unit is pretty foreign as well. Living with a family and accepting their roles as key in my life does not make me a drone. It strengthens me through accountability, it stretches me in the honest and open relationships, it protects me from identities I don’t want to conform to, and it allows me to be… me! My identity is in Christ, and I can learn to be courageous, opinionated, intelligent, and completely unique while living at home.
They must not have any real goals in life
I am so looking forward to having the privilege of being a wife and a mommy someday. Despite the fact that this goal doesn’t look very big, all the college degrees together could not prepare a woman for this special job. The raising and schooling of future doctors, presidents, lawyers, entrepreneurs, pastors and missionaries should not be taken so lightly as to write off the goal of motherhood. Anyone who writes off this dream as commonplace or sentimental needs to rearrange their priorities.

The problem any ambitious stay at home daughter might run into would be, if anything, too many goals! The opportunities are endless, when on one’s own schedule and time-line. I find this exciting. Through books, tutors, and online resources one can pursue culinary arts, music, dancing, seamstressing, home décor, and not to mention more academic avenues of study such as history, science, literature and the arts. From political science to landscaping, the opportunities a young adult can have when coupled with enthusiasm and diligence are many.
A higher calling
Whether through a flippant disregard for my time or a misunderstanding of my goals, it seems I will always be misunderstood by society as a young lady who is different. Somehow, our secular culture with it’s cry for open-minded ideas and wide thinking has completely closed off the opportunity for a young lady to thrive in a home setting. After all, the majority of women end up back at home raising a family, even after gaining a 4 year degree and spending thousands of dollars trying to figure out who they are.
I am happy to declare that I have reached 20 years of age and have not spent a dime in order to attain my true identity. I have not wasted my time in eternity and feel so blessed to not be shackled to the expectations of others. I am free to flourish and bloom in a natural environment, all while pursuing things that challenge my way of thinking and push me towards a higher calling. Our culture calls for individuality. Well, I’m happy to announce that I’ve found mine.















