I’m sitting down to write this post after just reading a young wife’s painful account of her miscarriages, and her honest sharing of the heartache and grief they are going through as they miss those precious little ones. I haven’t experienced a miscarriage, though I remember the fear and anxiety that started to creep in any time I had a little spotting during my pregnancy. So I hug my little boy closer and try to treasure these days for what they are; moments that are great gifts, and gifts I don’t deserve.
Our precious Ethan Edward is 6 months old, as of a week ago. He weighs 17.8 pounds, is sitting up on his own now, loves to eat books, scoots backwards and is still trying to figure out crawling, laughs most when he’s tired and hyper, loves his jumper (giggles often ensue), and recently tried his first teeny tiny taste of food- which was avocado, and not nearly appreciated enough by a tired baby.
We are loving this age! I admittedly did have a “moment” when E basically started sitting up overnight, and I realized how big he is getting. But for the most part, I’m really enjoying the process of moving through the different stages of his (fast!) development. I continue to be amazed at how much more energetic I feel as time goes on and I grow in confidence as a momma. I thought after three months that I was mostly back to normal, but as it turns out, I continue to grow, learn and change along with our little boy. It’s an adventure, and it’s fun.
And we really can’t complain. E has been sleeping through the night for 2 months now and takes pretty good naps. If we don’t get much sleep, it’s usually our fault for staying up too late…
How have we been doing in teaching E new things? I’m still giving myself another month before diving back in to infant potty training. He’s been doing much better during Church lately except for when he’s overtired (mostly due to long weekends traveling). I think being able to sit up on his own and have more ability to entertain himself with interactive toys and books has really helped in that area. Our latest thing has been helping him to learn to “be still” in my arms when he’s tired and needs to rest. We’re flying to Idaho (his first plane ride!) for a wedding, so in preparation for having nowhere to lay him down to sleep for most of the weekend, I’m trying to help him learn to fall asleep in my arms. If he’s overtired he still whines and complains even as his eyes are closing, and sometimes he still squirms, but I can tell he’s adjusting. I then lay him down to nap in his crib just as he’s falling asleep. I think this is something I would like to practice earlier with our next baby, Lord willing… teaching them to “be still” in my arms when it’s sleepy time, something E never wanted to do once he could hold his head up off my shoulder. No cuddling for this active little guy!
Another thing we’re trying to figure out is whining. He definitely whines when he’s tired or wanting a change of scenery during playtime. But he’s also taken to whining sometimes when he’s getting his diaper changed, getting put in his carseat, etc. I understand he can’t use words yet, but once we’ve responded to his need we want to teach him to calm down, so I’m trying to be careful not to encourage whining in the way I respond to it.
Ethan’s daddy and I are also learning and growing in our marriage as we discover parenthood together. It’s wonderful, but definitely not easy. One particular evening I found myself on our living room floor, crying on Ashton’s shoulder and grieving over how sin affects us, affects me… I desire to be a respectful wife and a loving momma, but there are growing pains in learning how to be both sometimes, and I know that won’t be the first time I’ll be asking for an extra measure of grace in this season of life.
We are having fun taking our smiley, extroverted little guy with us on outings. We’ve taken multiple trips to Omaha to see his grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, we try to take him to as many ministry and community events as possible (showers, parties, conferences, pro life rallies, etc.), and until he starts talking, he gets to tag along on some of our date nights, too. We can’t go everywhere we used to, but we can go most places, so we take him walking, for a scenic drive, out to coffee, or on a short shopping spree or lunch date. He also goes to bed at 8pm, so we easily have two hours together each evening to share over a glass of wine. I’m so thankful for my husband, who also happens to be a wonderful daddy.
And we are thankful for our precious little boy, who is such a blessing and joy in our lives. We can’t wait to see what the next six months hold for him, and for us as a family of three.
Our little man turned five months old today! It’s crazy and amazing and fun to see how much little ones change and develop in such a short amount of time. At five months, E brings a lot of joy, poop, and sanctification to my day. I don’t know what I’d do without him! Even in that moment when I’m struggling to carry 17 pounds of baby, a picnic lunch and a large bag of laundry down to the car from our second story apartment, and the little man chooses that moment to let out some major spit up all over my shoulder… I am still majorly blessed. My mother-in-law recently asked me how I though I had changed since being married, and my response -especially now that we have a child to raise- was that I believe I’ve mellowed and relaxed so much more. Those things that I made much ado about as a single pale in comparison to the ways I have to let go of expectations and personal standards as a mom, and we’re just getting started!
That’s not to say that we’ve thrown cleanliness and quiet time and personal grooming out the window, but my ability to flex and adjust if those areas aren’t perfectly met (and preferably with zero complaining) is much improved. The bigger my little guy gets and more able to process mommy’s reactions to life’s happenings, the more I am humbled by my need to check my attitude over seemingly small annoyances.
But with those confessions aside… Ethan Edward is a joy at five months and continues to bless us with his smiles, his interaction, his little goofy faces and noises. He weighs 16.8 pounds of pure irresistible chub, is in 6-9 (sometimes 12) month clothing and wears size three diapers. Crawling doesn’t seem too important yet, but he is very strong and mommy already has a hard time holding him still when he has the wiggles. He loves his “indestructible book”, his ball, anything that crinkles, and he discovered his toes, which are always good for a chew here and there. He is basically sleeping through the night now (no tears over that milestone!), naps three times a day, and except for certain bouts of teething woes, is a fairly content and cheerful baby. He has two teeth in already, which we discovered one epic Sunday when he was fussy, vomited all over us and the pew several times, and peed on mommy right before communion. Life with the three B’s is never dull!
And how about all that training I talked about in my last update? Potty training isn’t really “going” (apart from a few good days several weeks ago), if you know what I mean… partly due to my laziness and partly due to traveling. But, I didn’t really have any expectations at this stage, though I do hope to become more dedicated around 7 months.
Our biggest thing right now is the “learn-how-to-keep-mommy-sane-during-Church” project. That whole humility thing really hits hard right about halfway through the service, when my child is the one letting everyone know that he’s going on a nap strike, because, you know… my children weren’t going to be that way. But then reality hits and I realize that my son is human (like me- surprise!) and that this whole training thing won’t happen overnight. My respect and awe for my own parents having raised me and 6 other children continues to grow the longer I parent our Ethan.
We’re doing pretty well at not copying him while fussing or whining, especially now as it’s getting much easier to distinguish between baby babbles and frustrated crying. At five months I feel like he’s grown so much in his ability to communicate different things, just in tone alone. Babies are smart, which is also why I’ve started signing around him. You never know what he’s picking up mentally, and will be able to start signing as soon as he can control his hands enough to do it physically.
I do continue to have bible time with him each morning, and we do it together as a family each night. I also added in having a quiet play time each afternoon, to practice sitting during Church. I listen to a podcast or audiobook while E sits on my lap with books and toys. We’re up to sitting for half an hour right now, and we’re still working on helping Ethan to not screech or arch his back in frustration, but I know consistency is the key.
Our daily schedule is going very well. There were so many times during the first three months when I wondered if it was worth it, especially with what seemed like constant disruptions. But I look back and am so glad I stuck with it. We’re both so much happier to work in a daily routine, and though E is showing some signs of strong willed firstborn behavior, he doesn’t fight the schedule, and let me just say that peaceful, regular naps are pretty heavenly!
We are learning a lot as we care for our little boy. We are blessed and humbled to be his parents!
So, baby is four months old. Don’t ask me how that happened! The time has gone both slow and fast. People always say it goes so quickly, to soak up the moments, not to miss this fleeting time. Did I capture all those newborn photos before the moment passed and he got too big, or cuddle enough instead of trying to get up and get things done, or just savor the moment? If I’m not careful I can be rather obsessive over “moments”, over trying to perfectly balance my role as a homemaker and mommy. So instead I lay on the floor and play with little E, reading, talking, tickling, while I try to keep our home in some semblance of order and food on the table, and then look ahead to the future with anticipation, not holding on to regrets or what-ifs about the past.
He has changed so much since he was a little, squishy, quiet, tiny, blinking newborn. His personality continues to break through as he observes new things and grows in expressions and abilities. He is our little extrovert, smiley, talkative, and cheerful. He takes three naps each day and sleeps 12 hours at night and is a good eater- packing on the chub. He weighs about 14.5 pounds now, and goodness; I never knew thighs could be so adorable, or chubby cheeks so kissable. He loves to read, is using a jumper now, his favorite toy to grasp is a play silk, he recently discovered the ceiling fan, he laughs when tickled, and apparently watching mommy and daddy do HIIT workouts is quiet entertaining. He is getting better at independent playtime, but he definitely prefers to be close enough to mommy to have conversations and share smiles. He’ll spend up to 30 minutes happily in his bouncy chair in the kitchen, watching me cook, as long as he can hear me talk and sing, and smile at him.
Daddy and I are learning a lot… though I’m probably learning the most, what with my fear of man (pride) to help refine me as we make decisions for our unique little boy, and for our family. (Wait, we’re adults? We can do that? Talk about responsibility!) As a first time mom I feel pressure from the general populace to conform to what research suggests, or what method works best for most people. It could be that some of this is self-imposed, or it could be that like me, other young moms are silently crying out for a little grace, a little breathing room to try out new things as they love on their little ones. But with expectations aside, I’m truly grateful for advice and input from “the older women who teach the younger”.
So life has settled into a new normal, a happy, drooly, spit-up-all-over new normal, but we continue to learn and grow as parents to our precious baby. Just like I want to catch those fleeting baby moments before it’s too late, I want to catch on to bad or unnecessary habits before baby is too big… big enough to copy them! Or, to start creating habits that we want him to always remember having in our home. I don’t think we give babies enough credit for how smart they are, so I am of the firm opinion that we can indeed start teaching him things now; through instruction, and through example.
Some things we’ve been working on are:
- Always talking around him as if he can understand everything we are saying… especially if we are talking about him. He may start to pick up on things audibly before we realize it, and we want him to hear things that are positive, not gossip, respectful towards him as an individual, and loving towards each other as his parents. This includes our tone of voice when we get frustrated; making sure we stay in control (good habits regardless that become all the more important with little ears in the home).
- Never copying him when he whines or fusses. It’s such a natural thing to copy babies when they babble and coo, but I found myself doing it when he started to make those “complaining” noises when he was tired or frustrated, and realized that I was either encouraging or mocking him. So we are much quicker to recognize what types of noises we are making, and try our hardest to make sure they are cheerful and appropriate.
- Saying his name when talking to him. I want to get into the habit of getting his attention before asking him a question, or telling him to do something, and that needs to start now.
- We’re trying to be more cautious in music that we play or movies that we watch with him in the room, and we also try not to let him look at or watch an electronic device.
- We’ve also chosen not to have electronic toys in our home, at least not yet. A little baby doesn’t need much to be happy, and when mom isn’t playing with him, his teddy bear, colorful play quilt, books, play silk, and teething toys (oh, and the ceiling fan) are a wonderful source of entertainment.
- Having bible time together each morning. It only takes a few minutes with him being so little, but we read a chapter together, pray for our day and sing a song. As much as I’m able, I want him to remember always having bible time in the morning with mom.
- We don’t use baby talk. And that’s just because… I hate baby talk.
- We’re just starting infant potty training. I have no expectations, but it never hurts to try! If we can save on a few diapers, avoid some blowouts, and help him learn to use the potty at the appropriate time, then I’d say it’s worth it.
- We schedule. There, I said it. And, after the first three months of seemingly constant changes due to travel and growth spurts, we have settled into a nice routine that works very well for E and our family.
I feel like I have so many thoughts, lessons, and emotions going through my mind as I consider how life has changed since our little man arrived, eight days early and ready to meet the world. But really, what it all comes down to is, we are blessed, we are thankful, and we are having so much fun as a family of three.
Ethan was baptized at four weeks old on Sunday, April 26th, and received this handmade, soft blue blanket from his Grandma Duff for the special occasion. Mommy just now got around to doing a photoshoot with it; at 10 1/2 weeks!
“Thank you Grandma!”
Back in July of last year, our next door neighbor was moving out and cleaning out his apartment. When people clean out their apartments, they dump all sorts of things in the giant dumpsters available… sofas, old TVs, headboards, you name it. I have a rather embarrassing knack for looking at trash and trying to figure out what can be done with it. (The fancy name for reusing junk is “repurpose”. I rather like that better…)
Our neighbor’s article doomed for the dump was a dinged up dresser, missing half it’s drawers, sporting ugly handles and with a back half torn off and splintered. However, it was solid wood, and I convinced my obliging and patient husband to haul it back up to our second story apartment, where I decided it would do quite nicely as a repurposed dresser/changing table for our nursery, which we had just found that we would need in about 8 months.
It only took us about 7 months to actually complete the final project, and my wonderful hubby ended up doing the bulk of it as my size and condition necessitated help with reconstructing and painting (Ethan’s Grandpa helped too!). But we did get it done! We replaced the back with a new board, glued boards onto the empty drawer spaces to create shelves, painted it with chalk paint, distressed it, waxed it, and finally replaced the knobs with ones I had chosen at Hobby Lobby (50% off!).
The handy baskets fit perfectly in the odd sized drawer spaces. I registered for them, and was thrilled to receive them at a baby shower. They are nice and sturdy but also collapsible.
Yay for DIY projects that actually turn out as they’re supposed to!
A bit late, but here it is… announcing with great joy, the arrival of our son,
Ethan Edward Bandy
Friday, March 27th at 10:02am
How time flies! Back in my first trimester, baby was so small and tiny, and delivery day seemed so far away. There was still that nagging feeling of “what if something happens to baby while he’s so fragile?”, and even as we talked about plans and child training and home birth, the reality of it actually walking through it all was always “later in the future”.
Now reality is upon us! Today baby is 38 weeks old and, at least physically, pretty much ready to meet the world. In celebration of greeting week 37 last weekend, the warmer weather, and our general enjoyment of capturing special moments together as a couple (WE’RE HAVING A BABY!), we did our maternity shoot around Peoria. I’ve included my favorites from our session below. Technically I should have scheduled the shoot for about 2 months earlier when I wasn’t quite so huge, but who wants to take photos in dirty snow with their noses running?
This pregnancy has gone fairly well, and we are so very thankful. I recently read a blog post including photos of a 14 week old baby who was miscarried, and showed the photos to my husband, both of us in awe over the perfection and details of the tiny life that was lost so young… the parents having to say goodbye as soon as they said hello. I found myself in tears as I felt our son move inside of me, realizing how often I have taken for granted God’s protection over our baby these past 9 months.
I would definitely have to say that the first trimester was the hardest; with feeling sick, having a hard time eating, being more tired and sleeping a lot, and dealing with inflammation that caused some pretty intense lower back/hip pain. Thankfully once I moved past that, the 2nd trimester was great, and the third has only brought the normal little complaints that simply mean I’m carrying a chubby human being inside of me!
Ashton has been wonderful throughout the pregnancy, allowing me to rest and sleep in, doing the dishes as my belly makes it difficult to reach across the sink (who knew?), being patient with my changing needs and desires, and talking through everything baby-related with me so that we’re both in the decision process together… even decisions like which brand of changing pad to get for the nursery.
The past month in preparation for baby, I finished up teaching the last session of ballet/exercise classes I had been doing with moms and daughters once a week. I’m really glad I was able to teach throughout my pregnancy- it was refreshing to get myself out of the house even when I wasn’t feeling well, and a good motivation to try to workout when I could… plus I just had fun with the ladies in class!
We also attended two baby showers and received so many adorable, lovely things for baby! Unpackaging, washing and folding all the blankets and clothes was so much fun as I freaked out over how tiny and adorable everything was… and the fact that my own little baby will be filling out those clothes very soon.
Our prenatal visits have gone very well, and we are so excited to be having a home birth. We love our midwife, our doula, and the fact that (Lord willing, barring any need to transfer) I will be able to labor and we’ll be able to bring our son into the world in a peaceful, familiar and natural environment. We are blessed to have supportive family and friends throughout the process of planning the best we can for baby… desiring to be natural but wise, and are confident that the Lord will give us wisdom in each decision as I deliver baby, and as we raise him. God’s providence, I think, is such a huge source of peace and comfort as we look ahead to the huge responsibility of caring for and raising our child.
I’m still in shock that we’re so close to meeting him. It’s also weird to think about going into labor soon, because I haven’t had any braxton hicks at all throughout this pregnancy, and other than a few aches and pains, really have nothing with which to liken oncoming labor to. The idea of going from “normal” to “get-this-baby-out-mode” in a short amount of time is rather odd. Right now, though, I’m just hoping my water doesn’t break in Church… you know, right during the prayer time.
I’m so thankful that regardless of how long labor is, when it happens, or how difficult it may be, I know I’ll have my husband beside me to walk me through it. Plus, we’ve been to Bradley class, so he’ll know how to recognize signs of different stages in labor and help me (and him!) stay calm throughout the natural process even when it’s all so new. Husbands really are the best!
One thing I specifically appreciate- and so desperately need from my husband- is his constant and genuine affirmation of me as my body is changing. Especially with a dancer’s background, it’s been more difficult than I thought it would be to reconcile the fact that my body will never be the same again. I always KNEW this about pregnancy and motherhood, and that it is so, so worth the changes… but of course reality is always different on the other side of the fence.
Even as I want to take care of my body, this temple for the Lord, as best I can, I know there will be increasing demands on my sleep, energy… goodness, even my wardrobe will be greatly affected (challenged? slimmed down?) as I enter the world of nursing. Believe it or not, this can be a huge emotional hurtle for someone who likes her affordable, flattering, and wide range of clothing options!
I also have to be careful not to look at photos of myself pre-pregnancy or I’ll feel like a whale with no hope of ever wearing pencil skirts again. But through all of this, my husband blesses me by not just being okay with the changes, but appreciating them! It does this proud heart good to catch him looking fondly at my giant belly, or looking for stretch marks because they’re “badges of honor”, or still finding me sexy… and to humbly realize that my standard of beauty is not God’s, and my husband’s delight over my changing body is a special way He uses to strip me of my pride and self-imposed standards of false perfection.
It’s a lesson I know I’ll need to keep on learning in the years ahead. My body is not my own! And when I realize and fully embrace His calling to give up of myself for my family (what greater privilege could there be!) I know in the end, I will be blessed in return.
We are so in awe of this gift the Lord has given us, and we can’t wait to see our son’s face, to hold him, to study his tiny features. The whole picture of raising him, teaching him, guiding him and being good and godly examples seems so impossibly overwhelming… until I bring myself back to the present and realize that God in His mercy only gives us one day at a time. And I know each day as a mommy, whether hard or easy, sweet or monotonous, will be precious.
Only a few more weeks!
Let me tell you about your daddy. I can’t wait for you to meet him! Besides seeing your perfect little face for the first time, I really can’t wait to see your Daddy’s face when he meets you, his little boy, his firstborn. He loves you so much. He loves me so much! And you are already a blessed child to have him as your father and role model; the man you will look up to and learn from. Many of the same qualities that made me fall in love with your daddy will be the same qualities that will you will grow to admire as well…
Your daddy is a gentleman. He opens the car door for me, helps me with my coat, guides me around the ice, never laughs at my “girly” tears and emotions, and cheerfully serves me when I’m weak, in pain, or just feeling big with you in my belly! I can’t wait to watch as you learn to be gentle with and protective towards women and children, just like your daddy.
Your daddy is a leader. He reads bible to me every day, he prays over me, he makes decisions for our family as the Lord leads, despite pressure from society or others to conform to what is popular. He doesn’t seek the limelight, but he is visionary and willing to step out and stir others up to action for the kingdom. This is one of the main things that won me over to your daddy… he showed initiative and leadership skills in our courtship, and I can’t wait to see how you learn to humbly lead others, just like your daddy.
Your daddy is a follower of Christ. He is submissive to the Lord and His word, which is the center of our home. He desires to honor God in how we practice hospitality, relate in our marriage, operate as a family, and raise you. His relationship with the Lord is so important, it’s one of the main things he prays about for you. We pray that you would not know a day apart from the Lord’s goodness and mercy… just like your daddy.
Your daddy is funny! I do have to warn you, baby, that your daddy can be goofy. He makes me laugh in ways other people wouldn’t get, and I’m pretty sure he’ll be the one to coax those adorable belly laughs out of you first. He likes to have fun, he plays with legos, he teases me, and he knows how to balance work and play. I can’t wait to see you grow up having fun in our home and in life, just like your daddy.
Your daddy is handsome. And I hope you get a boyish grin, strong hands, and curly brown hair… just like your daddy.
Your daddy is not perfect. He does make mistakes, just like I do. He won’t always feel cheerfully selfless when taking care of us, when he’s tired and had a long day. He will say things that won’t come out the way he meant them to. There may be times when he makes decisions you don’t understand or like. But baby, no one is perfect. No daddy is perfect. But I do know this; the daddy the Lord gave you is perfect for you. When he makes a mistake and apologizes, you will see a humility that can only come from the Lord. When life throws a curveball and he chooses to trust God rather than despair, you will see a faith that only comes from above. When you disobey and he lovingly corrects you, you will experience a taste of the unconditional, unmerited love that comes from our heavenly Father. Just like your daddy does.
I can’t wait for you to meet him!
As we usher in the New Year and reflect on all that has happened in 2014, we are so thankful for the Lord’s provision and blessing. Ashton completed his third year as an assistant to the CIO at Samaritan Ministries and kept busy coordinating board meetings, taking a public speaking course, and becoming certified as a project manager. He volunteered to help coordinate our church’s annual Reformation Faire in October and has been giving more time to local ministries… and he keeps fairly busy spoiling his wife, especially when it comes to Valentines Day!
I called six English Country dances and taught 14 weeks of dance/exercise classes… a fun, low-commitment outlet for teaching and dancing after leaving my studio in Omaha. I have enjoyed practicing hospitality and being able to really focus on homemaking, as well as developing new friendships at church and in the community… not to mention taking care of my hubby, which has definitely been the highlight.
We have been both blessed and challenged as a couple in 2014. In March we were in an accident that totaled our car, and grew a lot as we dealt with the frustrations of insurance and having to buy a new vehicle.
We viewed several houses while we were seriously looking but finally decided to stay in our current apartment as long as we can. You can’t beat the commute and daily lunches together! We joined the local Right to Life chapter, as well as our Illinois’ homeschool Legislative Task Force. We were able to travel to Cincinnati twice, Nebraska several times, and Wisconsin.
We’ve had a good balance of “busy” and “fun” as newlyweds, from having fun volunteering to also experiencing firsts together… a canoe trip, walking local trails, enjoying the local farm-to-table restaurants, taking a moonlight cruise down the Illinois river, babysitting together for the first time (practice!), going on road trips, reading, and learning together. We love doing hospitality and discovered that we really can have my seven family members stay with us in our two bedroom apartment for 4 days!
But of all the memories we made, finding out on July 21st that we are expecting a little one was our favorite. Our little truffle is due in April… a boy! And we can’t wait to meet him and expand our family as we move into a new and fun season of discovery. We are taking Bradley classes and reading a lot, but most importantly we are praying and taking in the amazing changes as baby grows. We are very excited to be parents!
On September 21st, we celebrated our first anniversary… we are so thankful for a wonderful first year as husband and wife. We rejoice in this season and pray that He would bless you abundantly this New Year!
Ashton and Jennifer